The rental agent didn’t know what to do with that and had to make several calls before she got clearance to rent a car to me. I helped calm her fears by accepting all the damage waiver insurance, prepaying for the tank of gas in the car, and asking for a map and directions. Once we got past the ‘can’t drive with an expired license’ dilemma, she was very helpful. She upgraded my car. Not a big upgrade, but a little.I stopped at Southcenter Mall and got a pair of warm boots and dinner. I knew there would be nothing in the house I’d want to eat when I got there. It had been closed up since Christmas and I expected one of the first things I’d have to do was empty the fridge into garbage bags. I wasn’t positive what day garbage pickup was in Wallingford but I sincerely hoped I hadn’t missed it already. I called Cinnamon again and she sounded very formal when she answered the phone. I realized this was the first time I’d called her on my Cleveland cellphone. I’d picked up a pay-in-advance. The attacks got more frequent, she started to have double vision, and when she finally relented and did start the chemo it only got worse. She lost her hair completely, was often incapable of getting out of bed, became really depressed first and then occasionally very mean and vicious. Her doctor had explained to me that personality changes weren’t uncommon for that particular type of tumour, but it is one thing knowing that and quite another experiencing it. That wasn’t the worst though. The worst was seeing her fade away. I did my best to shelter Jack from all this, but you can only do so much. During her illness I didn’t even think about what would become of him after she died. It was only during her final weeks in the hospital that we actually spoke about that. Everything was too overwhelming already anyway, but when she asked me if I would look after him, not as a plea or a wish, but merely inquiring about her son’s future, I immediately said yes. Jack was incredibly brave.
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